


THE GREY LORD OF MAGIC

by The Jingo (The_King_in_White)



Series: Now THIS is a Shitpost [2]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M, Harems, Incest, Multi, Parody
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-29
Updated: 2018-08-03
Packaged: 2019-06-18 07:18:02
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 20
Words: 8,721
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15480471
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_King_in_White/pseuds/The%20Jingo
Summary: In the summer after Voldemort's resurrection Harry meets a mysterious stranger that tells him the truth about Dumbledore's manipulations. Armed with the truth, Harry begins his rise to the thrones of both Light and Dark magic.





	1. Chapter 1

it was the summer before fifth year and harry was weeding the garden when suddenly a girl walked up she was 5'45'' with black hair green eyes and looked like harry except boobs "hi are you harry potter" she said pouting a little bit and looking so sexy harry felt his peepee get hard but he was still a virgin so he blushed and looked away and looked back and lookked away and look everywhere

"yeah im just harry" Just Harry said smiling politely and readjusting his glasses and they flashed like it was an anime but he didn't do it on purpose it was just his inner coolness coming out and the girl blushed and felt her panties moisten and nipples harden and she wanted to kiss him right there but she knew she shouldn't

"okay well my name is Violet Potter i'm your sister" violet said hugging her brother and waiting as he cried himself out and then she stepped back and said "i know we never met before and that's because BUMBLEBORE didn't want us to HE'S EVEILand was manipulating you the whole time because he wanted his child of prochery to grow up and kill voldemort for him but die and then he could rule britain as the light lord with his 52 horcruxes"

harry was overcome with rage so he ran inside the house and beat up his family "FCKA YOU BITCHES YOU WERE GETTING PAID TO HURT ME BY ALDUS MUMBLEMORE AND I HATE HIM AND HATE YOU AND I'M NOT TAKING SHIT FROM YOU ANYMORE" and then he dropped his pants and took a big shit in dudley's mouth "take that BASERDS" and then he went back outside to talk to his sister and gave her a little kiss on the cheek and they both blushed with forbidden feelings

"we need to go to diagon alley and kncokturn allye and buggleboy alley where we can talk to goblings and we can get some gold and buy some weapons and stuff so that we can fight the order of the roasted turkey and the dead nibblers okay lets go"

"sure" harry said and then they ran all the way to london but just before they entered the leaky cauldron harry had a thoght and wanted to know

"where did he send you"

"he sent you here and sent me away to america where i grew up y'all"

WHAT NO DON'T DO ME LIKE THIS


	2. Chapter 2

Inuyasha walked into gringotts bank and went up to the first goblin he say "hello griphook"

griphook was shocked that a human actually remembered his name so his smiled snasitly and said "hello misster potter may your gold always flow"

"no may YOUR gold always flow mister griphook" naruto replied bowing at the waist respectfully and then griphook said MAY YOUR MAGIC SMITE YOUR ENEMIES MISTER POTTER

"well may blood always soak your floorboards and your ears be filled forever more with the wailing the women of the enemies you've slained"

And that was when griphook knew that harry potter was the one so he told luffy to follow him and they went down into the vaults and there they meet the goblin king ragnar the broketooth firstwuk and griphook said "this is our king mister potter no human has seen him in 400 years but i thought you deserved it for being a true son of magic that respects all magical beings unlike fumbledore and his army of alt-right trolls"

"hello young master potter" ragnars said and then he stoof up from his trhone that was made up of people bones and pulled out his knife and stabbed robb stark with it! "don't worry he said" he said and then jon snow watched with shocked toes as the wound instantly healed and there was no pain but there was blood on the knife and then ragnars chanted for a little bit and a piece of paper poofed into existence

"what are you doing" ichigo shouted and the goblins just looked at him with awe "mister potter this was a lineage test and we discovered you are the heir to many ancient house you are lord potter lord black lord peverell lord gryffindor lord hufflepuff lord ravenclaw lord slytherin lord merlin lord morgana le fey lord riddle and lord flamel and you own 6 gabogazillin galleons and 666 castles in france and half the seats in the winzagamout and also majority shares in daily prophet and the bookstore place you know the one"

OH MY GOD YES


	3. Chapter 3

 

harry left gringotts with pockets full of gold and a dragon sized cock dragging in the dirt the musk was the musk of a true werewolf vampire alpha and the crowds parted before him like moses at the purple fields and no one dared to get in his way because he went to ollivandrs and looked at the creepy guy with bukkake eyes and said "hello im here to get another one"

olliveran looked at mr potter and could smell the destiny so he said "wait here for a sec" and then he went in the back and crawled through the attic and rooted in the basement and found three old dusty boxes and brought htem up to harry and said "alright mister potter i was savig these wands because every time someone tries to make them work they get killed but i have a feeling that you're the destined one these destiny wands were destined for"

harry was a little scared but he knew that this was only the beggining so he said "okay" and accepted the first wand it was pure white and when he waved it a golden flame popped out and he said "fuck yes" then he tried the second wand it was pure black and when he waved it a silver flame popped out and he said "fuck yes" and then he tried the third wand it was pure red and when he waved it many sparkles came out gold silver red blue green yellow white black and he said "FUCK YESH"

the wandemaker was impressed and shocked and said "we can expect great things from you mister potter those three wands have chosen you and i didn't think they would ever pick up anyone"

"what's so special about them"

"well white wand is fifteen inches made up of holy dragonbone and has a core of the blood of an angel and the black wand is fifteen inches made up of corrupt dragonbone and has a core of the blood of a demon. these wands are the most powerful ever created and were used by the last grey lord of magic the prophet mohammed himself"

"that's amazing what about the red one"

"red one is even more special it is twenty inches made up of human bone and core is human blood but they were the blood and bone of the one and only timelord Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way (ORIGINAL STEAL DO NOT CHARACTER) and she told me it was destined to go to the destined hand of the destined one that was destined to change everything about the ninja world"

"fuck that's amazing" and then ahrry left the store and went to knockturn alley

YEAH THAT'S RIGHT BITCHES NO ONE IS GONNA STOP MY BOY NOW

 


	4. Chapter 4

when harry walked into knockturn alley everywhere went dark and it was like the sun vanished and then suddenly he was attacked!

a vampire jumped out of the shadows at harry and bit him in the neck and then ran away and harry layed on the ground and groaned and moaned and loaned and stoned until five minutes later he was a vampire himself and then he stood up with his eyes all green and slit green and then he walked into borgans and birks and screamed "MOTHERFUCKERS"

a greasy man slimed him way up to harry and breathed in through his huge hook nose and rubbed his hands together "hello young sir how can i help you today"

"shut the fuck up and give me every book on dark magic you've got" harry said and even though he didn't like dark wizards he was determined to win and knew the only way to do that was to become the darker than darkest dark and know all about black magic so he waited until borgin came back with ten books labeled:

_The Secret of the Darkest Art_

_How to Destroy your Enemies_

_BLOODLINE DESTROYER_

_Vampirism and YOU_

_Black Magic # 45_

_Illegal Magic and how to cast it_

_the strongest blood magic EVER_

_8_

_9_

_10_

aND HArry knew he needed those books but he could afford anyone knowing about it so he kept quiet and bought a trunk from burke to live in it had twenty comparements which had library kitchen swimming pool potions lab and harem bedrooms and he put all his stuff in it books new book invisibility cloak and skeleton and then he killed borginburke and put him in the trunk too and then left the store before anyone saw him and went next door to a place where wizards could illegally fix eyes

"hey fix my eyes" he said when he walked in and behind the counter was hermione "hellow harry" the bookwoorm smiled and she looked sexy no buck teeth and definitely no tattoo that said TIME'S UP and she was wearing a bikini with red stars and dollar sign on it that could barely hold in her THD cup titties "i see you found out about my secret life"

WHY IS EVERYONE KEEPING SECRETS FROM ME I DIDN'T EAT THE FUCKING LETTUCE


	5. Chapter 5

hermione just stood there and harry got so mad he ran up and punched her in the face and then did legiimeacy and saw she was secretly hermione flamel daughter of the philsophers stone and that was enough to calm harry down so he left her mind and picked her up and threw ten galleons in the crack between her boobs "don't tell anyone about this slut" he said and then went in the back and made the old man sitting back there fix his eyes

when harry left the shop he went next door again and this time it was a clothing shop and it was staffed by a faery girl she had blue eyes purple hair and a green diamond in her forehead harry could feel she was crazy powerful so he stayed quiet and went through the store and picked out some new clothes and then burned his old clothes he got from his FAT WHALE OF A COUSIN YEAH YOU LIKE THE TASTE OF SHIT DON'T YOU YA LITTLE SHITEATER

wHEN harry got dressed again he was wearing black dragonhide combat boots and black dragonhide cargo pants black dragonide tshirt black dragonhide gloves black dragonhide trench coat black dragonhide boxers black dragonhide socks black dragonhide scarf and black dragonhide fedora and he admired himself in the mirror and paid for his new clothes and then raped the faery girl and made her cum on his dick and then he left the story and went next door

this one was just empty and there was a seal on the door but harry broke it with his merlin blood and then went inside and looked around in awe it was an armoury and there were guns and swords on every wall so harry took three katanas and strapped them to his back and took two colt revolvers one and a hafl battleaxes and then a whip that he put in his pocket

Bristling with weapons and tomes of arcane knowledge, Harry Potter was geared for war, and soon enough the world would know it. Casting his gaze once more over the ransacked home, he sneered in disgust before apparating away to Romania where he spent the next three months deep in training. After three months he went back to Britain in his animagus form as DRAGON/SHADOW WOLF/PHOENIX/ALLAH.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU ATE THE LETTUCE FUCK YOU CUBIC G YOU LITTLE STANKWANKER


	6. Chapter 6

Harry went to london and went to platform nine and five eights because it was the secret route to hogwarts that all the rich kids took and it was the party train so he went on it and listening to the party beats by LMFAO he decided he needed to get that song for his ipod and then he went to the last compartment and opened the door before stopping in shock

It was LUNA LOVEGOOD "hello harry" she said looking at him with her goofy bug eyes "i knew you'd be coming to this compartment i saw you with my seer powers and decided to get here first and help you"

"WHY ARE YOU DOING THAT" harry screamed and ran up and raped a thirty year old and then got pegged by narcissa malfoy but then he turned the tables and raped her back and then the world shook and broke and harry destroyed the illusion that lay between the hearts of man and perceived the true nature of looney lovegood

Ozzie, you are a snail-skulled little rabbit. Would that a hawk pick you up, drive its beak into your brain, and upon finding it rancid set you loose to fly briefly before spattering the ocean rocks with the frothy pink shame of your ignoble blood. May you choke on the queasy, convulsing nausea of your own trite, foolish beliefs. You are weary, stale, flat and unprofitable. You are grimy, squalid, nasty and profane. You are foul and disgusting. You're a fool, an ignoramus.

Satisfied that luna really wanted to help him and she wasn't trying to trick him harry closed the door and sat down across from her and then went to sleep and then ten minutes later the door opened up and it was malfoy and his goons "look it's potty and loony" he sneered as he sneered into the train compartment and tried to kick harry

But he underestimated harry who woke up in 1.16 seconds and threw out his hand and force choked malfoy "you little bitch I had enough out of you" and then he killed crabge and gole before shoving malfoy in his 16th trunk compartment so he could deal with the little blond ferrit later. "now i need a fuck"

then he took off his clothes and luna took of her clothes and harry picked her up and starting pounding her in her tight little ass and slapped her cheeks and made her press her tits up against the glass so everyone could see harry potter was conquering her and then he made her squirt all over the floor and cumming in her ass and then making her clean the butt juices off his still hard cock then he tickled his taint and went back to sleep

STOP KINKSHAMING ME


	7. Chapter 7

harry got off the train at hogwarts and ran up to the castle with luna running behind him and he made it up and got inside just in time because the start of the year feast was going on

as soon as he got into the hall the walls flashed colors and a giant voice echoed "welcome home heir to the founders" and then harry's uniform went all four colors of hogwarts to signify that he was recongized by the castle as its new master

zumbledore saw this and got really mad "this fucking kid is going to be a problem" he decided and twirled his hitler mustache before standing up and showing the whole school his white clothes white beard white skin and the bag of cheetoes he carried around with him all the time for some reason "welcome back kids it's gonna be a good year believe me, we're gonna MAKE HOGWARTS GREAT AGAIN" and then smirking evily he waved his hand and the mexican feast was replaced with bland CHICKEN no spices no sauce just white meat and sad children

"NO" harry screamed throwing his sombrero to the floor and glaring a wumbelwore with hate in his green eyes glittering like soy sauce "HEY WILL NOT DIVIDE US" he shouted and all the student stood up and gave a standing ovation to the leader of the resistance

satisfied harry went to sit down next to hermione and glared at her because she wasn't the strong woman of color rowling always promised she would be "you were better in the cursed child" he said coldly and then slapped and raped her and put her in her place until she understood white womyn were lower on the progressive stack than Ozzie (You feeling BRIBED ENOUGH YET?)

Then just to fuck with Cumbledore Harry waved the wands of the holy prophet PBUH and changed the meal back into a multicultural and varied spread to demonstrate the true value of diversity. "try to do anything about it and i'll have you impeached" he wailed and then shat himself and that was enough to intimidate Numblenore into leaving them alone for now

After the feast was over harry ran up to the room of requirement and turned it into his playpen and then pulled draco out of his trunk and threw him on the floor and punched and kicked and spat on him and then turned him into a ferrit and broke all his bones and then turned him into a human again and made the malfoy drink a bubbly pink potion

"NO DON'T" malfoy screamed but it was too late as the potion turned him into a girl which nice sized PPP cup boobies and then she cried until harry slapped her in the face with his gigantic man meat and overwhelmed her senses with the true musk of masculinity (but not toxic masculinity) and it made her wet so they took off their clothes and harry pushed her down and tore through her hymen and claimed her womb hearts soul body for his own forever and took some pics of her ahegao face as he made her cum 49 times and then mailed those pics to her dad with the caption "you're next"

LOWKEY THIS CHAPTER WAS SOCIAL COMMENTARY ABOUT MODERN AMERICA DID YOU MISS IT?


	8. Chapter 8

 

Harry went to potions class the next day and saw ron there "hey ron what's up" he smiled but was confused when ron gave him a dirty look and ran away "wtf was that" he wondered but ignored it for now because the bells rang and he needed to get to his seat

going inside the sweaty stinky buttsmelling lab harry took a seat next to hermione and groped her a little bit just to get her one edge and then he licked up her tears when she began to cry "you asked for it slut he whispered and then started to rape her on the desk

SUDDENLY snape burst in teh room and pointed his wand at harry and screamed CRUCIO and hit him with the unforgiveable and then he smirked when harry started to laugh and then harry just stood up and looked at him "is that the best you can do little boy" he taunted and then he ran up to snape and punched him in the face and then threw him on the floor and then threw him on the walls and then threw him on the desk and then threw him on the ceiling and then threw him on a spike and bounced him up and down while laughing U HO HOHOHOHOHO

"this is what you get for betraying my mom" he screamed and then dropped his pants and took a big shit in snapes mouth and then crucio'd him before setting him on fire and burning him to death with the dark flames inside his heart and then he turned into SHADOW WOLF FORM and then peed on the ashes and then turned back into a human and glared at ron "YOU SON OF A BTICH YOU'RE A DEATH EATER"

Ron looked scared and cried a little bit and tried to run away again but harry caught him by the throat and choked him to death and then resurrected him and then choked him to death and then resurrected him and then choked him to death and then resurrected him and then choked him to death and then resurrected him and then choked him to death and then resurrected him and then choked him to death and then resurrected him and then choked him to death and then resurrected him and then choked him to death and then resurrected him and then choked him to death and then resurrected him and then made him watch as harry killed his whole family before he got choked to death again.

WELL WHAT ELSE DID YOU EXPECT AFTER YOU ABANDONED HIM IN THE SEVENTH BOOK YOU SELFISH LITTLE CUNT


	9. Chapter 9

now that snape was dead harry knew he was in trouble so he went up to humblehorn's office but then stopped because SNAPE WAS THERE.

"hello POTTER" he snarled and smirked and laughed at harry's shock "i bet you enjoyed that didn't you POTTER just like your father POTTER he was a swine POTTER and also probably having gay sex with wormtail" and the insults about his dad made harry really mad and he whipped out his wands and started firing curses at snape but they just vanished with fart sounds whenever they hit snape and snape just laughed "that's what you get for trying to kill me without getting rid of my 64 horcruxes POTTER"

and then wumbleborn appeared and snape and him KILLED HARRY but harry's blood went everywhere and soaked his read wand and time dilated and harry woke up and he was in his bed again after time travel and sad "OH FUCK" because he didnt know those old racists were that powerful so he decided to play his day smart and killed ron before going to class and waited until after the potions lesson to rape hermione and he did it enough times that he broke her and then he pierced her nipples bellybutton ears nose clit and labia to mark her as his good little sex slave and then went up to the room of requirement to think a little bit

Draco moaned like a good little slut for daddy and bounced on harry's cock while he laid on the floor and thought about what he should do "i know i'll start an army" so he slapped draco until she got off and then he sent a letter to the editor and had an advertisement put in the next edition of the daily prophet FUCKBOIS WANTED it said and the next day harry woke up and his bedroom was full of people wanting to work for him

:"good we're gonna be the DA and it's going to be the DEFENCE ASSOCIATION not MUMBLEHORTSS ARMY do you bitches understand?" james potter screamed and everyone in the room saluted and they handed out coins but they were silver not gold like canon because gold is an ugly metal

THIS IS A REALISTIC STORY WITH REALISTIC ENEMIES AND THIS IS NOT AN OP PROTAGONIST IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT THEN DON'T READ IT YOU HATERS


	10. Chapter 10

the next day harry went to **_DADA_** and sat in the front and waited until umbitch walked in she was 4'55'' 346 pounds with lanky white pink hair ppink shoes pink clothes and pink underwear and her face looked like a toad also she had warts and a green tongue and smelled like rotten bananas and her teeth were the color of blue cheese also she couldn't stop farting

"HELLO CLASS" umbitch simpered and when they class said hellow back she scream "THAT WASN'T LOUD ENOUGH NOW TRY AGAIN, HELLO CLASS"

"HELLO PROFESSOR"

"YES better" umbitch burped "today we will learn about werewolves and vampires and centaurs and house elfs and faeries and dragons and goblins and trolls and giants and mermaids and muggles and banshees and all the other subhumans and WHY THEY ARE NOT REAL PEOPLE"

"no stop that" harry screamed and got to his feet and then waggled his hands and said a few words "ugu mmooo wut wat" and whatever it was it was AMAZING and everyone in the class thought it was funny and agreed with him and started laughing at UMBITCH and that made her really mad and then gumglegore ran into the room!

"what's going on in here?" the wrinkled headmaster asked with a wrinkled frown on his wrinkled forehead before he puts his wrinkled hands in his wrinkled pockets and settled a wrinkled gaze on the nearest student and mindraped them with legilimency and then knew what was happening "my boy harry my boy you didn't disrespect the professor my boy did you my boy? we need to get along with the ministry of magic my boy"

and then harry said that's wrong so zumblezore took off his clothes and raped everybody in the room and then the minister of magic ran in and was horrfied "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING TUMBLETORE?" HE screamed but the headmaster looked really sad and his eyes twinkled "it was for the greater good cornelius" and then fudge just nodded and all the raped children nodded too "oh for the greater good okay" and they all decided unanimously to give him the order of merlin first class right htere for saving the wizarding world yet again


	11. Chapter 11

with his butt hurting harry left the D.A.D.A. classroom but only took five and three quarters steps before he was tackled by aurors "mister potter-dobby-black you're under ARREST" screamed the minister of magic and then they putt handcuffs on harry and threw his wands in the garbage "you're going to prison today kid"

"WHAT FOR"

"according to the testimony of the weasley family and also germione flamel-granger you have secretly joined your paretns' murderer lord voldemort and committed genocide against the muggle village of XXXXXX!"

WHAT NO harry screamed but it was too late and they sealed his magic with arcane rituals and also gave him a bad succ from a dementoid while gambledore watched and laughed and looked twinkly with twinkles in his twinkle eyes

after that they put harry in azkahob where he was raped by table legs 456,000 times over the course of ten years (but actually ten hours because otherwise he'd be too old for hogwarts and then we wouldn't have story so it only felt like ten years) and during this time harry reached enlightment as the grey lord buddha and came to underswtand that the wizarding world had to end so he could protect magical kind from the racism of evil (white) wizards

four hours later a demontoid was giving harry the succ but then the chains rattled and his cell door flew open, standing there was WAMBLEWAR! and they looked at each other and looked back and looked at each other and looked back and look everywhere and then the headmaster started to cry "i'm sorry harry i really believed you joined tommy boi can u forgive me"

also there were the whole weasley family such as reggie weasley ron weasley edward weasley and beatrice and they all looked really sad but also their pockets were full of the gold they stole from harry "wait just a sec" ganny weasley said and then ran up to harry and made him drink a love potion "do u forgive me now also give me everything your ever owned because i'm a perpetually poor thief"

NO


	12. Chapter 12

 

ignoring the love potion harry stood up and actvated his zanpakutou drawing out his sword and screaming "SŌTEN NI ZASE HYŌRINMARU" and then a dragon made up of ice but it moved like water but it was still ice popped out and roared and charged at the weasleys and froze them all but didn't kill them bacause harry was a good person then he froze zamblebore too and raped him before running out of the prison

harry putt his sword away and activated his sharingan and put all the guards to lseep and then he went to the ministry of magic and punched his way through to the wizangamot with rubber fists (like gomu gomu no mi BUT NOT BECAUSE I DON'T COPY POWERS FROM OTHER AUTHORS) AND THEn harry saw lucious malfoy with his sneer and golden yellow taurin hair and said "outta my way death eater i'm taking my place now" and then he jumped up in front of the WHOLE WIZZANGAMIT and held up his hand and said

"i am lord potter black malfoy peverell riddle slutherin hufflepuff ravencliw gryffidor merlin allah morganalefey flamel von Hellsing and I demand you recognize my presence" and then his heir ring shone and shot lazer beams up at all the old people sitting in the legislature and gave them all heart attacks

the ministry glowed with ancient bloodpiss magic of the grey lords of times past and future and with a snap of his fingers harry summoned his four wands one phoneix feather one blood of angel on blood of timelord one of demon "I'M GETTING RID OF THE CORRUPTION IN THIS GOVERNMENT NOW NO more mudblood no more purebloods just mix it up first thing is first I'm tabled a motion to create a MARRIAGE LAW, who votes yes and who votes no"

WILL HARRY SUCCEED IN CONVINCING THAT WABLEWAMOT TO VOTE FOR A BETTER SOUL SOCIETY? I DON'T KNOW YET VOTE IN THE REVIEWS


	13. Chapter 13

OKAY YOU DIDNT REVIEW BUT SCREW YOU GUYS IM NOT GONNA LATE HATERS STOP ME

harry looked at the wizagemit with a seductive light in his green eyes and it made all the lords and ladies feel relaxed like when you cut a really big toenail after leaving it for a while "a good man treats wimyn with honor" he said coldly and it was like a spalsh of hot sauce on bread and made them all realize he meant serious bsuines

"when i was azkagot i realize that i was born of prohery and as the child of prochpy i have a job i have to be the messenger of the gods and bring magicpeople back to being a good country where everyone realize diversity is our strength" abd then lord potter (peace be upon him) waved his wands one light magic one dark magic and used the grey magic of the universe to touch the hearts of all the old people and they realized he was right

"what no!" yumbleyore yelled popping in with a big show of light but it was too late and the government agreed to create marriage law that would match everyone up with their destined partner and anyone that refused would go to the muggle world to get killed by clowns

U ARE TOO LATE harry (peace be upon him) screamed at damblewamble and threw a big magic spell at him and it was lightining and fire and ice and earth and metal and normal like in pokemon you guys all played it and the evil headermaster was BLOWN UP but it was only temporary because his 8 horcruxes made him reform back in his office at the school and then zamblefumble screamed FUCK

sadly harry (peace be upon him) looked at the xizedmamot and realized that his duel with donald trump had killed them all and now all the new lords and ladies were going to be his classmates at school and he had to convince them that marriage law was good before hitler convinced them that mixing it up was bad and so he ran back to hogwarts and found all weasley family and raped them


	14. Chapter 14

harry was at his defence club training because he was the grey lord because he was the chosen one because tom riddle tried to kill him as a baby because he heard a prophecy because snape told him because snape was listening to gamblewar because trelawney was applying for dem programs and this is important because it illustrates the causal link of events between harry deciding to rule the wizarding world because of a derivative of government socialism

then his tummy grumbled and harry realized that he was hungry after training for 45 hours straight with his time turner that he got from his vaults as lord peverell along with the ten gold rings and magical rubies he had pierced in his ears so harry put away his wands and ran down to the great hall and sat at the ravenclaw table because FUCK HOUSE LOYALTY EXPECTATIONS HE HAD TO BRIDGE THIS CULTURAL DIVIDE TO CREATE A COALITION OF ALL FOUR HOUSES AND IT WAS THE FIRST TIME ANYoneEVER THOUGHT OF IT

"i have a speech to say" banglebumble said standing up and looking really satisfied "eat chicken hail victory" and then he did a salute and all the hogwarts flags turned blood red with white circles and a black cross on it and they ripple in the breeze coming out of his armpits and then he sat back down again and ate his bland broccoli that was salted with the tears of a thousand minorities

harry thought maybe he should try to kill him again but instead he just ate cheese and molested lisa turpintine at the table fingerbanging her little roast beef flaps with one hand while he read secrets of the lightest art with the other hand and ate his breakfast with the other hand and took some note with the other hand and also scratched his back with his other hand

suddenly owl flew in and dropped a letter on harrys plate and then he opened it with his other hand and inside was a piece of skin that said MARRIAGE LAW HARRY POTTER IS TO MARRY DAPHNE GREENGAS" and then harry stood up and looked at slytherin and saw daph there and she was scared so he ran over and decided to make his marriage work so he hypnotize her with his secret vampire-veela-werewolf blood and it made her nipples lactate cheese whiz

SO TASTY I NEED A SANDWICH RIGHT NOW


	15. Chapter 15

Harry was pounding his new wife from the back on the kitchen table and there was vagine bob and lube everywhere along with cheese and nipples and then suddenly a owl started pecking him "OH WHAT THE FUCK" harry screamed and threw a killing curse at the owl and then picked up the feather body and put it in daph's butthole to keep her stretched out and ready while he looked at letter

Is THIS LORD POTTER the howler screamed and then caught fire and burnt harry's hands and he bleeded everywhere and he knew it was fucking VOLDERWARTS attacking him this time and it made him want to cry what did he ever do he was a gud boi he dindu nuffin to anyone ever why did this wrinkly old snake fuck always try to break into his butt?

The headmaster slimed up and put a slimy hand on harry's slimy shoulder in a slimy way as he grinned slimy "it's ok my boy hogwarts is the safest place for you just come into my office" and harry said NO he knew that dumblecore was just as bad as moldermort in his own way and the two of them were just trying to rule the magic world and kill mudbloods so harry ran up and punched the old BASERD and then ran away and hid in the room of reqiment and he started to cry and a little bit of blood seep from his angus and then suddenly LIGHT APPEAR

Prophet is here?!" the voice of hoggerwarts boomed and then all the light got together and made a big light and then it got hard and spongy and turned all different color and then poof there was a girl there she had hair as pure silver as the cum of a unicorn but not cursed just really pretty and it made harry want to touch so he reached out and grabbed tits "lol bitch" but then she slapped him and harry passed out and then woke up and saw he was in forest and there was a man in a turban looking at him WHAT THE FUCK IS HABBENING?"

Mohammed Abdul Ackbar Osman Tyrone Buddha Faisal Bergenstein Albert Goldberg is my name and time travel is my game" he rapped and then did a breakdance before rubbing his nuts on harry's forehead and then taking a big shit in his mouth but not all of it got out and some of it clung to his butthairs and it tasted really bad but kinda reminded harry of farting in the elevator and how it gets on the tongue you know how it's really rotten but there's still something addicting about your own stink "and you were summoned here to fix save all four founder so that dinklebarts school of bitchcraft and bazerdry can be form!"


	16. Chapter 16

Peace was all harry ever wanted (but also bitches) so he stood up and decided to help tyrone "ok what do I need to do" he said and flexed his muscles and let his eyes turned purple with the determination of the master of death and harembutts "and who do i need to kill" harry had never killed or serioulsly harm anyone in his life but he was ready to start now he promised he wasn't going to be a coward anymore

Be a little intimidated by harry's pure masculinity (BUT NOT TOXIC MASCULINITY THIS IS NOT A FIC THAT COMMITS MICROAGGRESSIONS) abdul looked away and looked back and look away and look back and look away but eventually he decided to do what was right and wiped his stinky butt and gave hairy the toilet paper "here lord potter this is magic ingredient for ritual burn it and inhale fume and it will give you visions about where you must go"

Upon receiving gift of magic harry bowed to bergenstein and then turned away and walked away and looked away and went away and then he realized that forest he was in was FORBIDDEN FOREST from school except bigger and more magic and that made him sad because it meant that humans cut down tree and industrialization was wrong and killing the planet and also global warming was causing migrant crisis and sperm death SO STOP DRIVING YOUR FORD TRUCKS YOU FAT BASTARDS

Him was ready so harrry gathered what he need for fire he get tinder and branches and mcdonalds cheeseburger and put them all together and then lit them with box of wine before sitting down and staring into the flames there were rainbow because they were fuelled by the hope for gaymanity and harry was even more determined so he threw in the toilet paper and then breathed in the smoke of burning buttpaste of the holiest of holy men and then his eyes went black and blackest white and stars shone in the pupils and then his mind was truly open and harry realized the one truth "JIN BTFO HOW WILL HIS PROLAPSED, GAPING, HIV + RECTUM EVER RECOVER?!"


	17. Chapter 17

So with his new purpose and at peace with nature harry took of his cloth and ran through the forest barefoot big balls slapping against his children and went over river and under hill until he found the third hobbit hole down from the bywater and ran inside and then sat at the kitchen table and waited for two hours and six seconds

Even though he was expecting it harry was still surprised when air popped and four witches show up "hellow bitch" he said happily and they screamed and passed out and then harry walked over and looked down at them and then tied them up with magic from his timelord wand since that was the only wand that came back to the future with him

Under his eyes the witches robes disappear and they were naked too but harry understood who each of them were the first was Barty Martinwobble and she had green hair green armpit hair green crotch hair and tattoos of snakes and bugbears and a-cup titties and could also speak to snake and was the oldest hogmart founder at 36 year old so harry got down and put his thing in her thing and virgin blood was there and he started pounding away at her tight little snatchy and then cummed inside and she woke up screaming and then passed out because pregnancy

Next was Apple Cabblewamble and she was red hair red armpit hair but gold crotch hair in the shape of lion along with a tatto on her butt that said ROAR ME so harry rolled her over and pounded her slutty loose buttflaps and she woke up and moaned at it and then at last second he took his benis form her angus and putt it in her bussy and peed and that was how kitten was formed

Gemby Zoe was third bitch and she was bald but her entire skin was blue ink from head to foot except toes which were left natural and bronze and so hairy picked her up and hung her from meathooks and then put his thing in her thing and came right away because she's ugly and the author doesn't want to write more about her

Janice was the last and she was healthy at every size with pretty roles and lovely little cheese gold farms under her black folds that harry got really excited so he started licking the folds and grinned when he got mushorrom on his tongue and he came right there and soaked her and then got hard again and fuck her mouth and then came down throat and then got hard again and then fuck flaps and made babby and then got hard and then fuck butt for good measure

Impregnation took hold of all four logharts fathers and harry knew that with babby in belly they would feel the goatly urge to nest and create academic school for dumb little ankle biters so he levitated them with his magneto powers and then took them out back and buried them in bilbo baggin's garden and then walked down the street whistling and then visited the local club for a bit of dancing and meth

Now feeling proud his work was done harry waved his timelord wand and punched through 6000 years and peed in the mouth of the founding dragon and then fast forwarded to 1981 because WHY THE FUCK NOT HARRY NEEDS HIS MOMMY WHAT'S WRONG WITH THAT SHE'S HOT OKAY?

Kneeling in the dirt under the window harry listening as valdemar fought his dad and threw gut smucher curse and at the very last second harry switched his dad with log like in naruto BUT IT'S A SPELL NOT A JUTSU OKAY? JESUS CHRIST WHY DO YOU FUCKERS COMPLAIN IT'S LIKE NO ONE CAN EVER THINK SOMETHING IS COOL AND WANT TO USE IT WITHOUT BEING CALLED A RIPOFF FUCK YOU Harry turned on his Sharingan and pulled out his zanpakutou and went into super saiyan WHY DON'T YOU CRY MORE NOW AION YOU CANON LOVED NUTBAR

Inside the house the snakeface saw jame potter disappear and laffed "lol bitch" and then went upstairs and saw baby harry and sexy lily in the bedroom "step out of the way whore" he ordered but harry's mom said no so he waved his penis ALLAHU ACKBAR and a wave of jizz shot out but then harry jumped in the window and screamed NOT TODAY MOTHERFUCKER and then threw james potter in the way!

Moving too fast the cum hit hames and killed him and then reflected and nkilled tommy boi because of prophet magic and the stink lord turned into ghost and flew away "hahaHAHAHA!" harry laughed and then grabbed his mother and put her in his pocket before leaving himself crying in the crib to preserve the timeline and finally returned to the present day


	18. Chapter 18

harry came back into the presnt timline with lily in his poket, wavng propht abdul's wand [PBUH] he made the red haired slut big again, her gaping cunt gushing wet, white fluid. Harry gave a deep infatuated moan "OHHHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHHHHHHHHHH," Her red pubic her slick with her desire, as she gaxed at the boy infront of her, with green eyes, and black hair, and white skin, and a veiny 567 inch cock.

"mummy" "bby" they ran at eatch other [you know, in the moviews when loveers run at each other but its in lsow motion, this was in super slowmotion] and then harry reached her "mummi, is that u?" "ya baby" "mum, i missed u" Haery cris evertime like a bitch my pairents are ded and i've a scar any my life succs - boo-hoo, give me sympthay. he hugged lily tight, "dom't ever leave me" "I won't." And as they touched, harity realised they were naked, and his dick was getting big and harry knew he was the best so he just push her down and took off his clothes adn took off her clothes and then began to fuck his mam

Lily moaned "ahooaoaooaoaoa" as she felt his 35463 inch inside her it was so good harry was return to the sacred innermost places of his mommy was cosmic cycle the son and the mother fucking and incestuous pregnancy eternally and then harry jizzed and his sperm poured into lily and made her belly swell up with cum that raped her ovaries and in that instant Harry made a sister-daughter of the holiest bloodline in the most sacred of acts

What is WRONG with children born of incest BROTHER? I get so hard at the thought of them falling into true depravity, of Lily caught up and corrupted by motherly love and womanly lust as Harry conquers and seeds the fields he was born from. And after that he gets to enjoy months of watching his child grow inside her, her stomach swelling and her breasts beginning to lactate with the proof of their sinful union. That is TRUE mother/son incest BROTHER. We all need to get on that level.


	19. Chapter 19

WEW harry said swaggering into hogwarts with his dick swinging and the swell of male pregnancy in his belly "that was a good run" then he squatted in the dirt and shat out hagrid's three quarter human one quarter giant gay love child. it was almost like passing an enormous shit where his asshole burned and hurt like a knife was shoved up his ass and then after it just felt numb because the nerves were so abused by pooping a watermelon intestine baby that he spincter couldn't keep up with the load

leaving his shitbaby on the dirty november snow harry cleaned his butt of the afterbirth with his hand and then wiped it on the walls while he made his way to the great hall. after making the four hogzarts founders and also his mommy preggers he was feeling on top of the world and knew that he was the true grey lord that would be able to finally rule over the warty werld.

harry walked in the hall and looked at pumplepore with nothing but pure sweat in his beef green eyes and then attacked the shitlord of the light with his mental fuckery and after a few heart attacks he stroked out and battered past the magic of earwigs and just realized once and forever that he was better than donald trump and then he crushed all l564564 horcruxes with his left nut and took a big shit on the floor in triumph

after that the headmaster was dieded forever and also snape masturbated to death over necrophilia and harry raped susan bones and made her belly swell up and pregnant with the heir to the merlin family and then he paid panysy pottering to accept his jizz and gibe ten new babies for the sake of HER HOLY HIGHNESS MORGANA LE FAY

WHAT'S WRONG WITH PROSTITUTION YOU HETERONORMATIVE ARSEHOLES YOU NEED TO GET INTO SEX POSITIVITY RIGHT FUCKING NOW

* * *

_I WAS BRAPPING ON THE BATHROOM_

_BUCK NAKED_

_BRAPPING ON THE BATHROOM FLOOR_

_HOW COULD I FORGET THAT I WAS NOTHING BUT A CHEAP WHORE_

_WHORE_

_DON'T YOU REMEMBER THAT YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU WANTED BEANS FOR DINNER_

_IVE FORGOTTEN WHAT I STOPPED BRAPPING FOR_

_BRAP BY BRAP MAYBE TOOT BY TOOT EVERYBODY SHUT THE FUCK UP & LISTEN TO MY TURD SHOOT_

_OOPS THERE GOES_

_ANOTHER STINKY FART TOOT_

_YOU BETTER WATCH YOURSELF AS YOU SMELL MY BRAP_

_BECAUSE IF I DONT THINK I KNOW YA_

_THEN MAYBE ITS TIME TO SHOAH YA_

_\- Johan Lennin, 1991_


	20. Chapter 20

THE LOOPS BROTHER

harry was pounding mggonegallsl old scarred beef flaps when he realie that all the rum was gone and he had to take jack sparrow seriously +

deciding it was time to deal with walmart once and for all harry ran through the castl and ran through the england and ran through the malofy manor and then came face to face with the dink lard "what are you doing" TOM SAID but he was too rude and didnt wat for the response and just attacked harry hi fired sausage beams and curses and also metamucil and grinnedd with a snake grin on his snake face with snake skin and snake nostirls and snake eyes and snake paleness and snake wriggling named nagini WHAT UP

it was strong attack and everyone other wizard put together wouldn't be able to deel wit but harry had internalized the beef long ago so he broke valemoart attack and grinned and smirked and sweated and then attacked himself and it was a green beam of dark magic but it was intwined with an organe beam of life magic and harry was hoping that it would work

the beam hit walymary and killed his insides and he was lying on the floor and it hurt really badly and harry knew it ws the time for speech

TRY FOR SOME REMORSE TOM

REY IN SOME CHILLUNS

ALSO DONT FORGET TO BE BROKEN

YOU DONT DESERVE XENOVIA

he grey magic took the best of light and dark and crowned harry and knew that he was finally the one to lead the wandering tribes of israel through the spiriutalu wasteland that was china and moscow and in that moment the alt right was finally defeat so foldemort wiggled and moaned and grew zzzzzz-cup titties and breeder hips and a soppy wet penis (JUST BECAUSE SHE HAS A PENIS DOESN'T MEAN SHE IS A MAN) and then harry decide to forget past and picke dup tammy and fucked her in the ass in the mouth in the pussy and made her pregnant and mindbroken and also slut and he rented her butthole out on tuesday to earn reparation money for the six gabogazillion phoneix that lost their lives but reserve every other hole for his personal breeding and grew 30 babies girls all of which he made wife and had 500 grandhcildrens.

LOOK I KNOW THIS STORY WAS REALLY DARK AND REALISTIC BUT I FELT THAT HARRY DESERVED A HAPPY ENDING I MEAN AFTER HAVING TO SUFFER SO MUCH IN CANON WHAT WITH THE WHOLE DURSLEY THING AND THE RON WEASLEY THING AND THEN GINNY WEASLEY COMING UP OUT OF NOWHERE TO RAPE HIM AND THEN JUST THE WHOLE DEUS EX MACHINA THAT ENDED ROWLING'S WORK I JUST WASN'T SATISFIED

THERE WAS NOTHING WRONG WITH HARRY WINNING IN THE END BUT WE AS READERS REALLY FELT THAT HE SHOULD STRUGGLED TO GET THERE BUT ALSO GET THE SAME REWARDS

stfu haters harry deserves a harem that includes hermione ginny susan bones lisa turpin cho chang arry potter lily potter severus snape draco malfoy blaise zabini (boy or girl) and also DAPHNE GREENGAS if you dont agre then we cant be friends any more you are ingornat so here is epilogue

THIRTY YEARS LATER HARRY WAS EATING BACONATOR AND HE HAD SIX PACK AND DIDN'T LOCK OLDER THAN 23 BECAUSE MAGIC AND FITNESS AND HE DECIDED THAT HE WANTED TO RETIRE FROM RULING ENGLAND AND RULED SCOTLAND WHAT'S THE BIG DEAL

tHe EnD!?


End file.
